Here is a list of aviation quotations that I’ve collected:
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
— Leonardo da Vinci
Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight — how to get from shore to food and back again. For most gulls, it is not flying that matters, but eating. For this gull, though, it was not eating that mattered, but flight. More than anything else, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull loved to fly.
— Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull
“High Flight”
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew –
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
–John Gillespie Magee, Jr.
To put your life in danger from time to time … breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.
– Nevil Shute, Slide Rule.
To invent an airplane is nothing. To build one is something. To fly one is everything.
– Otto Lilienthal.
Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed.< /br> – Anonymous
The man who flies an airplane … must believe in the unseen.
– Richard Bach.
To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the sky is home.
– Anon.
Aviation is proof, that given the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible.
– Captain Edward “Eddie” Rickenbacker.
Flying is like sex — I’ve never had all I wanted but occasionally I’ve had all I can stand.
– Stephen Coonts, The Cannibal Queen.
There are only two types of aircraft — fighters and targets.
– Doyle “Wahoo” Nicholson, UMSC.
Up there the world is divided into bastards and suckers. Make your choice.
– Derek Robinson, Piece of Cake.
As long as I look into the muzzles, nothing can happen to me. Only if he pulls lead am I in danger.
– Captain Hans-Joachim Marseille, Luftwaffe.
If you are in a fair fight, you didn’t plan it properly.
– Nick Lappos, chief R&D pilot, Sikorsky Aircraft.
“Can the magic of flight ever be carried by words? I think not.”
– Michael Parfit, Smithsonian magazine, May 2000
“You haven’t seen a tree until you’ve seen its shadow from the sky.”
– Amelia Earhart
“When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
– Leonardo da Vinci
“The exhilaration of flying is too keen, the pleasure too great, for it to be neglected as a sport.”
– Orville Wright
“My airplane is quiet, and for a moment still an alien, still a stranger to the ground, I am home.”
– Richard Bach, Stranger to the Ground, 1963
“We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, we can find ourselves as creatures of excellence and intelligence and skill. We can be free! We can learn to fly!”
– Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, 1970
“Science, freedom, beauty, adventure: what more could you ask of life?”
– Charles A. Lindbergh, The Spirit of St. Louis
“I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things…”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
“Nobody who has not been up in the sky on a glorious morning can possibly imagine the way a pilot feels in free heaven.”
– William T. Piper, president of Piper Aircraft Corporation
“As soon as we left the ground I knew I myself had to fly!”
– Amelia Earhart, after her first flight in an airplane, a ten minute sight-seeing trip over Los Angeles, 1920
“There is no excuse for an airplane unless it will fly fast!”
– Roscoe Turner, early racing aviator
“The engine is the heart of an aeroplane, but the pilot is its soul.”
– Sir Walter Raleigh
“This plane may remind you of some things you used to know: that life is in the moment, joy matters more than money, the world is a beautiful place, and that dreams really, truly are possible.”
– Lane Wallace, ‘Eyes of a Child,’ Flying, Feb. 2000
“To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the sky is home.”
– Anonymous
“We who fly do so for the love of flying. We are alive in the air with this miracle that lies in our hands and beneath our feet.”
– Cecil Day Lewis
“Up here with the song of the engine and the air whispering on my face as the sunlight and shadows play upon the banking, wheeling wings, I am completely, vibrantly alive.”
– Stephen Coonts, ‘FLY! A Colorado Sunrise, A Stearman, and A Vision’
“With the stick in my right hand, the throttle in my left, and the rudder beneath my feet, I can savor that essence from which life is made.”
– Stephen Coonts, ‘FLY! A Colorado Sunrise, A Stearman, and A Vision’
“I live for that exhilarating moment when I’m in an airplane rushing down the runway and pull on the stick and feel lift under its wings. You have left the world beneath you. You are inside the sky.”
– Gordon ‘Gordo’ Cooper, Leap of Faith, 2000
“Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.”
– Batman costume warning label, Wal-Mart, 1995
“Man’s mind and spirit grow with the space in which they are allowed to operate.”
– Krafft A. Ehricke, rocket pioneer
“Flying is a lot like playing a musical instrument; you’re doing so many things and thinking of so many other things, all at the same time. It becomes a spiritual experience.”
– Dusty McTavish
“Flying is hypnotic and all pilots are willing victims to the spell.”
– Ernest K. Gann, forward to Island in the Sky, 1944
“For pilots sometimes see behind the curtain, behind the veil of gossamer velvet, and find the truth behind man, the force behind a universe.”
– Richard Bach, Biplane, 1966
“Here you are truly separate from the earth, at least for a little while, removed from the cares and concerns that occupy you on the ground.”
– Stephen Coonts, The Cannibal Queen
“Aviation is proof, that given the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible.”
– Eddie Rickenbacker
“Why fly? Simple. I’m not happy unless there’s some room between me and the ground.”
– Richard Bach, A Gift of Wings, 1974
“I have often said that the lure of flying is the lure of beauty. That the reasons flyers fly, whether they know it or not, is the aesthetic appeal of flying.”
– Amelia Earhart
“Flyers have a sense of adventures yet to come, instead of dimly recalling adventures of long ago as the only moments in which they truly lived.”
– Richard Bach, A Gift of Wings, 1974
“In our dreams we are able to fly…and that is a remembering of how we were meant to be.”
– Madeleine L’Engle, ‘Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art’
“Pilots track their lives by the number of hours in the air, as if any other kind of time isn’t worth noting.”
– Michael Parfit, ‘The Corn was Two Feet Below the Wheels’, Smithsonian Magazine, May 2000
“The highest art form of all is a human being in control of himself and his airplane in flight, urging the spirit of a machine to match his own.”
– Richard Bach, A Gift of Wings, 1974
“Any pilot can describe the mechanics of flying. What it can do for the spirit of man is beyond description.”
– Barry M. Goldwater, US senator
“Pilots take no special joy in walking. Pilots like flying.”
– Neil Armstrong
“That’s not flying, that’s just falling with style!”
– Woody, regarding Buzz Lightyear, in the 1996 movie Toy Story
Aviation Quotes, Ideas & Other Truisms
The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
— Gunter’s Second Law of Air Travel
The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, “Damn it!”
The first officer says, “I have an idea!”
The captain says, “Hey, watch this!”
“In the Alaska bush I’d rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.”
— Kurt Wien
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute.”
— George Bernard Shaw
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.”
— Mark Russell
When asked why he was referred to as ‘Ace’: “Because during World War Two, I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy.”
– Captain Ray Lancaster, USAF.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter Fly-Ins?
—Anonymous
Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
— Anonymous
“I never liked riding in helicopters because there’s a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part.”
— Lt. Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR.
“When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about “pushing the envelope.” They’re talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that’s where the postage gets canceled, too.”
— Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.
“It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure.”
— Dick Markgraf
“I’ve flown every seat on this airplane, but can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots?”
— Don Taylor
As a new copilot on a bomber I was told to say these three things and to otherwise keep my mouth shut and not touch anything:
Clear on the right.
Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)
I’ll eat the chicken. (Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).
As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want… As long as it’s right… And we’ll let you know if it’s right after you get down.
You can’t fly forever without getting killed.
As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:
One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane.
One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane.
Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
More about Rules:
The rules are a good place to hide if you don’t have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don’t hit the bridge.)
The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
About Check Rides:
The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinees couldn’t care less what the examiner’s opinion of his flying ability really is.
The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.
It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.
He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
It is solely the pilot’s responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
If you can learn how to fly as a 2nd Lt and not forget how to fly by the time you’re a Major. you will have lived a happy life.
One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot’s attention.
At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they’re all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!
Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you “pull stick back, plane go up”.
Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the NATOPS Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.
If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them.
The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward …and wish.
Pilot Talk
Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death …I Shall Fear No Evil …For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 Blackbird operating location Kadena, Japan).
You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F.Crickmore -test pilot)
There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
From an old carrier sailor – Blue water Navy truism
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.
Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
Never trade luck for skill.
Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.
When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
Advice given to RAF pilots during WW II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
A pilot who doesn’t have any fear probably isn’t flying his plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)
If you’re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
(Bob Hoover – renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
If an airplane is still in one piece, don’t cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
(Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator)
Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign over Squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).
“Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV.”
(A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the ‘glass cockpit’ of an A-320).
If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.
Basic Flying Rules:
Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
Items No Good In Aviation:
Altitude above you.
Runway behind you.
Fuel in the truck.
A navigator.
Half a second ago.
Approach plates in the car.
The airspeed you don’t have.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
Trust your captain…. But keep your seat belt securely fastened.
An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won’t surprise him.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
The nicer an airplane looks, the better it flies.
It’s a good landing if you can still get the doors open.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
Any pilot who does not privately consider himself the best in the game is in the wrong game.
It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It’s worse.
It’s easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and his money is soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
A thunderstorm is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.”
The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the ‘down’ position.
Remember that you’re always a student in an airplane. Keep looking around; there’s always something you’ve missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
Aviationisms
Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.
Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.
Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because of money.
It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
An airplane will probably fly a little bit over gross but it sure won’t fly without fuel.
Think ahead of your airplane.
I’d rather be lucky than good.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
If you’re ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don’t like what you see, turn them back off.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting, but still be long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life; altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.
Don’t drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.
An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.
Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man…. Landing is the first!
Every one already knows the definition of a ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a ‘great landing.’ It’s one after which you can use the airplane again the same day.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
IFR: I Follow Roads.
You know you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
I had a fighter pilot’s breakfast – two aspirin, a cup of coffee and a puke.
Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.
A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down – all of them trying to become random in motion.
Helicopters can’t really fly – they’re just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Pilots believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty glass.
Fly the plane until the rudder hits the cockpit.
The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward and wish.
Aviate, Navigate, Communicate.
Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.
Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.
Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.
Fly it until the last piece stops moving.
It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
An airplane will probably fly a little bit overgross but it sure won’t fly without fuel.
Believe your instruments.
Think ahead of your airplane.
I’d rather be lucky than good.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
If we are what we eat, then some pilots should eat more chicken.
I’d rather be a chicken than a turkey.
Without fuel, pilots become pedestrians.
Regards engine power: Lots is good, more is better, and too much is just enough.
If you’re ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don’t like what you see, turn ’em back off.
A checkride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.
Standard checklist philosophy requires that pilots read to each other the actions they perform every flight, and recite from memory those they need every three years.
Experience is the knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
(The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911)
There are some flight instructors where the student is important, and there are some instructors where the instructor is important. Pick carefully.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
No one has ever collided with the sky.
Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there wishing you were down here.
One peek is worth a thousand instrument cross-checks.
Experience is a hard teacher. First comes the test, then the lesson.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere you brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.
If it’s red or dusty don’t touch it.
Don’t drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.
An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.
Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.
To go up, pull the stick back. To go down, pull the stick back harder.
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man…. Landing is the first!
Every one already knows the definition of a ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a ‘great landing.’ It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.
Definition of ‘pilot’: The first one to arrive at the scene of an aircraft accident.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
There are two types of tailwheel (or retractable gear) pilot, those who have ground-looped (landed gear up) and those that will.
If you’ve got time to spare, go by air.
(More time yet? Go by jet.)
IFR: I Follow Roads.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.
You know you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
If you don’t gear up your brain before takeoff, you’ll probably gear up your airplane on landing.
Navy carrier pilots regards Air Force pilots:
“Flare to land, squat to pee.”
Air Force pilots regards Navy carrier pilots:
“Next time a war is decided by how well you land on a carrier, I’m sure our Navy will clean up. Until then, I’ll worry about who spends their training time flying and fighting.”
Navy pilots regards Air Force formation flying skills:
“Same way, same day.”
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good shit. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
A kill is a kill.
He who sees first, lives longest.
Fighter pilots make movies, attack pilots make history.
In thrust I trust.
Jet noise: The sound of freedom.
I had a fighter pilot’s breakfast – two aspirin, a cup of coffee and a puke.
Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.
Fly with the eagles, or scratch with the chickens.
It only takes two things to fly, airspeed and money.
Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity, an airplane flies because of money.
Do you see that propeller? Well, everything behind it revolves around money.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.
I’m from the FAA, and I’m here to help.
A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down – all of them trying to become random in motion.
Helicopters can’t really fly – they’re just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
Helicopters don’t fly. They beat the air into submission.
Chopper pilots get it up quicker.
Helicopters don’t fly, they just vibrate against the earth and the earth rejectes them into the air.
Helicopters are for people who want to fly but don’t want to go anywhere.
A four-time loser: the fellow who went to Texas A&M, joined the Marines, flew helicopters, and was hired by Braniff.
It’s better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
The owner’s guide that comes with a $500 refrigerator makes more sense than the one that comes with a $50 million airliner.
If it doesn’t work, rename it. If that doesn’t help, the new name isn’t long enough.
Federal Aviation Regulations are worded either by the most stupid lawyers in Washington, or the most brilliant.
Flying is not Nintendo. You don’t push a button and start over.
The six P’s:
Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
The future in aviation is the next 30 seconds. Long term planning is an hour and a half.
Life is lead points and habit patterns.
Gravity: killer of young adults.
I’m not speeding officer — I’m just flying low.
The only thing that scares me about flying is the drive to the airport.
Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?
Sorry folks for the hard landing. It wasn’t the pilot’s fault, and it wasn’t the plane’s fault. It was the asphalt.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Three things kill young pilots in Alaska – weather, weather, and weather.
Please don’t tell Mum I’m a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
Pilots believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty glass.
Never ask a man if he is a fighter pilot. If he is, he’ll let you know. If he isn’t, don’t embarrass him.
FAA Regulations forbid drinking within 8 feet of the aircraft and smoking within 50 hours of flight. Or is it the other way around?
‘Please see me at once’ memos from the Chief Pilot are distributed on Fridays after office hours.
Fly low and slow and don’t tip on the turns.
An accident investigation hearing is conducted by non-flying experts who need six months to itemize all the mistakes made by a crew in the six minutes it has to do anything.
Things which do you no good in aviation:
Altitude above you.
Runway behind you.
Fuel in the truck.
A navigator.
Half a second ago.
Approach plates in the car.
The airspeed you don’t have.
It is far better to arrive late in this world than early in the next.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
The more traffic at an airport, the better it is handled.
If man were meant to fly, God would have given him baggy, Nomex skin.
If God meant man to fly, He’d have given us bigger wallets.
If God had meant for men to fly he would have made their bones hollow and not their heads.
What’s the difference between God and pilots? God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.
Will Rogers never met a fighter pilot.
To err is human, to forgive is divine; neither of which is Air Force policy.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
You can land anywhere once.
Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way and the captain’s way. Only one counts.
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug what it thinks about dogs.
Crime wouldn’t pay if the FAA took it over and would go bankrupt if an airline management did.
I want to die like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Trust your captain …. but keep your seatbelt securely fastened.
An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won’t surprise him.
Winds aloft reports are of incomparable value – to historians.
Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn (or London) Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls (or The Tower of London).
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.
The friendliest stewardesses are those on the trip home.
Out on the line, all the girls are looking for husbands and all the husbands are looking for girls.
The most nerve-wracking of airline duties: the flight engineer’s job on a proving run flown by two chief pilots.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn’t have to go on all those trips.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
The nicer an airplane looks, the better it flies.
Why did God invent women when airplanes were so much fun?
Remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous?
If it fly’s, floats, or fucks; it’s always cheaper to rent than to buy.
Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It’s difficult to arrange on short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone’s always looking at their watch.
Jet and piston engines work on the same principle: Suck, squeeze, bang, blow.
Modern air travel would be very enjoyable … if I could only learn to enjoy boredom, discomfort and fatigue.
You can always depend on twin engine aircraft. When the first engine quits the second will surely fly you to the scene of an accident.
The real value of twin engine aircraft is it will double your chances of engine failure.
CAUTION: Aviation may be hazardous to your wealth.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it; if it ain’t fixed, don’t fly it.
A mechanics favorite: It’s not a leak, its a seep.
And another: If it won’t budge force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If it’s ugly, it’s British; if it’s weird, it’s French; and if it’s ugly and weird, it’s Russian.
The worst day of flying still beats the best day of real work.
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and about flying when he’s with a woman.
About aerobatics: It’s like having sex and being in a car wreck at the same time.
New FAA motto: We’re not happy, till you’re not happy.
A grease-job landing is 50 percent luck; two in a row are entirely luck; three in a row and someone’s lying.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
It’s a good landing if you can still get the doors open.
First, listen to the question the student asked, then listen to the question he didn’t ask and then figure out the question he really meant to ask.
Airspeed, altitude, or brains; you always need at least two.
A groundschool instructor understands piloting the way an astronomer understands the stars.
Every groundschool class includes one ass who, at 5 minutes before 5, asks a question requiring a 20-minute explanation.
Gravity, it’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.
The Law of Gravity is not a general rule.
You can only tie the record for flying low.
Flying at night is the same as flying in the day, except you can’t see.
It at first you don’t succeed, well, so much for skydiving.
Is that a fuel cup in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
It is easier to cope with a single in-flight problem than a series of minor ones. Real trouble must be swallowed in small doses.
It’s no wonder England serves beer warm, Lucas manufactures most of their refrigeration equipment.
It is said that two wrongs do not make a right, but two wrights do make an aeroplane.
When starting an aviation career it is not unusual to be overwhelmed, terrified, suffer from lack of confidence and be just plain scared. As experience grows, self confidence replaces fear . . . but after a time, when you think you have seen it all, you realize your initial reactions to flying were correct.
Passengers prefer old captains and young flight attendants.
A captain with little confidence in his crew usually has little in himself.
The only soul more pitiful than a captain who cannot make up his mind is the copilot who has to fly with him.
The sharpest captains are the easiest to work with.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o’clock, after which he’s a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
A captain is two flight engineers sewn together.
Everything in the company manual – policy, warnings, instructions, the works – can be summed up to read, ‘Captain it’s your baby.’
Nothing is more optimistic than a dispatcher’s estimated time of departure.
Clocks lie; an 18-hour layover passes much quicker that an 8-hour day.
Any pilot who does not privately consider himself the best in the game is in the wrong game.
As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will be:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight.
It is always better to have C sub “t” greater than C sub “d”. Or more plainly, thrust should exceed drag.
Definition of a Goonie Bird pilot: A man with an interest in aviation but a basic fear of flying.
For those who don’t care, fly military air.
Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
Unofficial grading standards for low level navigation:
You can’t be lost if you don’t care where you are.
Jets airplanes are just an expensive way of changing JP-4 into noise.
It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
The average pilot, despite the sometimes swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don’t involve anyone else.
Gravity is bullshit: The Earth sucks.
It’s better to die than to look bad, but it is possible to do both.
Death is a small price to pay for looking shit hot.
Work hard, fly hard, play hard, and stay hard.
If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.
Helicopters are really a bunch of parts flying in relatively close formation; all rotating around a different axis. Things work well until one of the parts breaks formation.
Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac helicopter, even if this is technically a form of flying.
If God had intended man to fly he would have given him enough money for a Bonanza.
If God had wanted me to fly, he would have made me flush riveted.
Two of the most dangerous things in the world are a South Georgia pulpwood truck, and a doctor in a split tail bonanza.
The three most dangerous things in aviation are a doctor in a Bonanza, two captains in a DC-9, and a flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot error.
Son, you let a stew ride your lap, next thing you know she’ll want to talk on the radio. Then she’ll want to land the plane. Give a woman an inch, she’ll want the whole twelve. Thank God.
Nothing flies without fuel,
so let’s start with some coffee.
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.
What separates flight attendants from the lowest form of life on earth? The cockpit door.
The three most common phrases in airline aviation are “Was that for us?” “What’d he say?” and “Oh Shit!” Since computers are now involved in flying, a new one has been added: “What’s it doing now?”
If an earthquake suddenly opened a fissure in a runway that caused an accident, the NTSB would find a way to blame in on pilot error.
Tell someone you work for another airline and he’ll tell you how much better yours is.
The most sensitive mechanism in modern aviation is the shower control in a layover hotel.
If flying were the language of man, soaring would be its poetry.
You only need a glass ship to make up for the wooden pilot.
Gliding is to power flying as seduction is to rape.
Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.
Any comment about how well things are going is an absolute guarantee of trouble.
A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It’s worse.
Below 20, boys are too rash for flying; above 25, they are too prudent.
Son, I was flying airplanes for a living when you were still in liquid form.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richtor scale.
Most airline food tastes like warmed-over chicken because that’s what it is.
I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep.
Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes wrong, then one pilot gets all the blame.
In a world in which we are all slaves to the laws of gravity, I’m proud to be counted as one of them freedom fighters. Skydive!
If it ain’t Boeing — I ain’t going.
Let’s make a 360 and get the hell out of here!?!
Don’t trust nobody and don’t do nothing dumb.
One who flies with fear encourages fate.
It’s easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
If it doesn’t work, rename it; if that doesn’t help, the new name isn’t long enough.
Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.
There I was at forty thousand feet when the autopilot jumped out with the only parachute on board and left me with nothing but a silk worm and a sewing kit.
There I was at 15,000 feet with nothing on the clock but the maker’s name – and that was on the back and peeling.
There I was, fog was so thick I couldn’t see the instruments. Only way I knew I was Inverted was my flying medals were in my eyes. But I knew I was really in trouble when the tower called me and told me to climb and maintain field elevation.
The RF-4E Phantom – living proof that if you put enough engine on something . . . even a brick could fly.
When the last Blackhawk helicopter goes to the boneyard, it will be on a sling under a Huey.
Flying helicopters is like masturbating. It feels good while you’re doing it, but you’re ashamed to tell anyone afterwards.
The three biggest lies in Army aviation:
1. You’re the only crewmember available.
2. Don’t ask me; I’m not the regular crewchief.
3. Wait right here, Sir. The crew bus is on it’s way.
If you don’t know who the world’s greatest fighter pilot is… It ain’t you.
Better to be on the ground wishing to be in the air than in the air wishing to be on the ground.
Keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down.
Don’t forget to keep the blue side up.
When you’re sitting in the rubber raft looking up where your airplane used to be, it’s too late to check the flight plan
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Some pilots will make an emergency out of a bad magneto check. Others, upon losing a wing, will ask for a lower altitude.
What’s the difference between a first officer and a duck?
The duck can fly.
Definition of a complex airplane: landing a taildragger on pavement with a 20 knot quartering crosswind.
When a forecaster talks about yesterday’s weather, he’s an historian; when he talks about tomorrow’s, he’s reading tea leaves.
The main thing is to take care of the main thing.
Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it.
A thunderstorm is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.”
Learning a little about flying is like leading a tiger by the tail — the end does not justify his means.
In the aviation business, you can’t something for nothing. But if you aren’t careful, you’ll get nothing for something.
The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the ‘down’ position.
Remember, you’re always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there’s always something you’ve missed.
Fuel in the tanks is limited. Gravity is forever.
Never trust a fuel gauge.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are mandatory.
Work hard, fly hard, play hard, and stay hard.
Son, if you’re trying to impress me with your flying, relax. Most of the time I can’t even impress myself.
The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.— Gunter’s Second Law of Air Travel
The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, “Damn it!” The first officer says, “I have an idea!” The captain say, “Hey, watch this!”
Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.”— George Bernard Shaw
When asked why he was referred to as ‘Ace’: “Because during World War Two, I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy.” – Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins- Anonymous
Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed. – Anonymous
“When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about “pushing the envelope.” They’re talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that’s where the postage gets canceled, too.”— Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.
“It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure.” – Dick Markgraf
“Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters — in that order — need two.” — Paul Slattery
“I’ve flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots?” — Don Taylor
The only three things a wingman should ever say are: 1. Two’s up. 2. You’re on fire. 3. I’ll take the ugly one.
There are only three things the copilot should ever say: 1. Nice landing, Sir. 2. I’ll buy the first round. 3. I’ll take the ugly one.
As a new copilot on a bomber I was told to say these three things and to otherwise keep my mouth shut and not touch anything: 1. Clear on the right. 2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator) 3. I’ll eat the chicken. (Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).
As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want… As long as it’s right… And we’ll let you know if it’s right after you get down.
You can’t fly forever without getting killed.
As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
More about Rules: a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don’t have a better idea and the talent to execute it. b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don’t hit the bridge.)
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
About check rides: a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane. b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn’t care less what the examiner’s opinion of his flying ability really is.
The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot’s day is over I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.
He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
If you’re gonna fly low, do not fly slow! Anti Submarine Warfare pilots know this only too well.
It is solely the pilot’s responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
If you can learn how to fly as a 2nd Lt and not forget how to fly by the time you’re a Maj. you will have lived a happy life.
Night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn’t know that it’s dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker’s lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you’re going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.
One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot’s attention.
At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they’re all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!
Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one’s wings and not one’s life.
Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your instructor never taught you “pull stick back, plane go up”.
A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.
If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them.
The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward…and wish.
There are bold pilots, and there are old pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots.